Depressed, depressed, depressed......

I am one week into my new job and seriously, I am so not happy with it. Teaching is not as "honourable", "admirable", "easy", etc, as what the public assumed it to be. There is politics in the office, cliques formed, nasty (overly Kiasu and blinded to the faults of their off-springs) parents and the list can go on and on and on.
I am so depressed. When I saw how other new teachers, like me, are being assigned classes to teach in other schools, they don’t know how lucky they are. At least, they BELONGED to the school! I am doing purely observation now, which is very useful as it expose me to the culture and students of the school. But it is quite obvious that some teachers do not like me in their classes. Maybe it is stressful to them, maybe they will be afraid of me becoming their responsibilities, maybe they thought I will be a distraction to the students, maybe….. In other words, I felt like an intruder, a burden and am not welcomed.
I do not get paid to read storybooks in the staffroom. I hoped someone piled me up with books to mark! At least, I am earning my keep. At least I have something to do when teachers are zooming passed my desk every now and then with a purpose. During the preparatory programme for us newbies, the lecturer mentioned that we must establish routine in the classroom. This will provide a sense of security to the students. Well, this explains why I am so insecure. Because I have not even received my observation timetable yet! I go to school everyday clueless as to what I will be doing for the day. I am filled with envy when I saw how well two other newbies are taken of in my school. (They belong to other departments.) I do understand that at this point in time, it will be disturbing to the kids should I take over. Their exams are looming round the corner and we should not expect them to adjust to a new teacher’s style of teaching when they should be concentrating on their revision. So I do not mind doing observations till the end of year. But at least make me feel useful. I am not those kind of employees who just want to slack their way through and nothing pleases them more than nothing to do. I like to contribute and to give me work also means that my employer recognises my capabilities and like to have my help. I will go all the way to help, man!
*Sigh* Tomorrow is Monday again. Hopefully something has been worked out for me. I am still finding my niche in the school and tomorrow bring a new sense of hope that I will eventually find it. I am an optimistic person and I will not let this bring me down. I believe that once you allow yourself to give up, a series of give-ups will follow since giving up is so much easier than gritting your teeth and fight on. No, I will not give up…yet. Maybe when I am on the verge of sanity then will I give up for self preservation. Meantime, I will Fight On!