There's A Fine, Fine Line

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
Oh...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

I wish I can bold the whole song. So, so, so true....

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Deep and Meaningless

I, I don't know why I miss you so much
Yeah I, I don't know why I still feel your touch
You, you left me feeling high and dry
With nothing, nothing but the question why

Yeah you, I guess you had another direction
And leaving me with nothing but a dead connection

If you call me today
I'll say that I'm fine
But I bet you can tell by the tone of my voice
It's just a lie
You knew what you had
You still walked away leaving me in this mess
My love for you is deep and meaningless

You, you knew what you were doing to me
And I, I guess I was too blind to see
Well you hit where it hurt and you fooled me so bad
But I'd do it again to relive what we had

Damn that's sad


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Not Again..

I've been feeling rather down lately.

I miss him.

Or rather, I miss the happy times spent with him.

I wonder whether he knows that I still like him. A lot.

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Not Me

I have been drinking too fast and too hard these days. So not me.



(P.S. I was congratulating myself for not sending any drunk smses or making drunk calls when I saw this post. Great. Now, I make drunk blog posts too.)
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A Day I Will Remember Forever

So, I confessed. I never thought I would and could but I did.

So now he knows. I really pray hard that this would not affect our friendship. We'll see where it goes from here.

26th April 1 am. I will forever remember this day.


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It is Tough

I really dislike emotional posts but I am going to post one now. I just need to get this out of my system.

It is really tough liking someone and not expecting anything in return. I guess I am not a saint afterall. I do not expect that he will like me but it still affects me if he is interested in other girls. I am so afraid that he will like someone before I stop liking him. Really afraid.

Which is why, I think I need to stop liking him. Although it was fun and happy at first, things start to change once I start to have daydreams and expectations. I guess I am not that strong afterall.

我寂寞寂寞就好 這時候誰都別來安慰擁抱

就讓我一個人去痛到受不了 想到快瘋掉

死不了就還好


我寂寞寂寞就好 你真的不用來我回憶裡微笑

我就不相信我會笨到忘不了 賴著不放掉

人本來就寂寞的 借來的都該還掉


我總會把你戒掉


"借來的都該還掉" This is so true. The happy times that I had was borrowed from him. They were not given.


Shall. Concentrate. On. My. Last. Paper. Tomorrow.

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It Sucks to be a Woman

I wish that my period can come soon. All these hormones running inside my body are screwing up my brain. Between having cramps and staying sane and happy, bring me the cramps any time.


***************************************

Hopelessness

I feel like giving up.

My emotions these days are bound tightly to my assignments.



Somebody save me.

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Found Him

I realised that I had mistaken about his sirname all along. It is Chan, not Chang.

Ran a search through Google and I found him on one of the business social pages.

Omg. I do not recognise him.


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History?

I could not believe I saw his name again. If I not received a sms from my cousin saying that my yahoo mail was sending spam mails, I would not have logged into yahoo mail. If I didn't log in, I wouldn't have the chance of seeing his name being "available" in my contact list again.

I thought I have put it down already. But my heart still skipped a beat when I saw his name. Since then, my thoughts have been running wild again. My old friends, the "What-ifs", are back again, flooding my mind.

I didn't have the courage to click on his name just now. I will, next time. I hope that I will get the chance again.


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A Petty Woman

I have been blogging about my Taiwan trip for days and it seems that I am nowhere near finishing it. In the meantime, things do happen to me and my days were not stagnant.

On Monday, I nearly had my downfall. I boarded bus 185 with a full bladder and my bus was stuck in a jam in PIE. The bus was absolutely crawling along the expressway. My whole mind was occupied with willing the bus to move faster and to stop myself from squirting out my urine. It was really horrible. I was stuck in the jam alone for 30 mins. Try holding urine for 45 minutes to understand how I felt. I kept thinking, "Is this going to be my downfall? To urine in the public?" Luckily it never happened. *Huge sigh* I have learnt my lesson. Never board a bus with a full bladder; you never know what will happen.

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These days, I kept haunted by nasty thoughts. I felt that I was taken advantage of and was looked down on and yet I could do nothing. I wanted to bitch to my girlfriends but I felt that it would be mean to do so. Little little details of how selfish that person was kept coming to me in times when I was alone in my quiet room. Seriously, I feel that my esteem had taken a blow and is now slowly patching up, thanks to my Enemies.

It was through my Enemies that I found out that real friends will never put you down. Even if you are not that capable, not that strong, not that clever, they will never use words or actions to highlight your flaws. True friends even try to help you hide your flaw or turn it into something the two of you can joke about. In other cases, real friends learn to stick by you and learn new things together at the same pace, not trying to outdo each other. I have found such qualities in the six of them. And I am really glad to have them with me. Really.


Sometimes, I could see a bit of that person in me. Through that person, I can see how some of my actions are deterimental to someone's esteem and to our relationship and I don't like it. I don't want to treat my friends like this, just like I do not want to be treated like that. So, these days, I tend to be more careful in what I say and how I say. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise, turning me into a better person.


I just need some time to get over, to forget, maybe forgive, and move on.




Or I just need to bitch about it. =P Girlfriends, you there?


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Flying Off

Jetting off to Taiwan tomorrow! I have soooo many worries right now..

-worried about our luggage weight. (It has exceeded the limit just now. Did some repacking and it should be fine. Now.)

-worried about not enough clothes to wear

-worried about the Minsu we are staying in

-worried about overspending

-worried about the transportation

-worried about Taipei's accommodation

-worried about delays in flights or train rides

-worried about turbulence

-worried about earthquakes

-worried about my parents

-worried about my online shopping which has yet to arrive

-worried about the overdue library book sitting innocently in the corner

-worried about conflicts

Soooo many things to worry about. I am a born worrier.

I must enjoy my holiday!!! =P

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I Don't Know What I'm Doing..

I wish I can fall effortlessly in love. But it seems that everytime, I have to make an effort to fall in love because I feel that there shouldn't be unreciprocated love in the world. And I just can't do it. I can't force myself to like someone. I can't force myself to think of someone. I can't force myself when I don't even know what I want.

Others enjoy the process but I keep having this sinking, dull feeling in me. What am I doing??? This feeling really sucks.





And now I regretted telling my mum what happened. It seems that she is willing for me to date any Tom, Dick or Harry that comes along.


Why can't I meet the RIGHT PERSON????



(P.S. Dear friends, this is a secret.)
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What happened?

No I can't forget that evening

Or your face as you were leaving

But I guess that's just the way

The story goes

You always smile

but in your eyes

Your sorrow shows

Yes it shows...


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Withdrawal Syndrome and Being Vexed

I don't feel sleepy despite a full day in school and it being 2am now. I had so much fun in Genting that I'm having withdrawal syndrome now. The feeling sucks.

I have a feeling that something had happened to one of my friends. I am very vexed right now because I want to know what had happened and in what ways I can help. On top of that, I am very irritated with my indecisiveness and fear of being snubbed.

Feeling shitty now.




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Late Night Thinkings....

I've just watched "I Am Legend" on HBO. It is the first time I caught it and I like it a lot. And this show really gets me thinking. What if this really happens one day?

In the show, 99% of the human population in the world turned into mutant humans because of a cancer cure. What if, one day, we manage to find a cure to cancer and it turns out like this?

I feel like we are walking down that path. Look at SARS. Look at H1N1. They are both mutated form of flu virus. Everytime we controlled one, stronger ones pop up.

In Buddhist teaching, it always talk about the 2 opposite sides. Light and dark. Day and night. Good and evil. Always about the balance. So if we have a cure, will new stronger viruses pop up to balance the whole system?

In Evolution, living things evolve to meet the meet the challenges in their ecosystem. So will the viruses evolve to a form when we can't find a cure anymore?

It is a scary thought. So far, the mutated flu virus only made us feverish, sore and with flu-like symptoms. What if a new mutated virus attacks the brain and brings out the animal instinct side of us? What if it makes us aggressive? What if it makes us irrational? What if it makes us stop thinking?





I just hope that when that day comes, neither me nor my loved ones will be around.

I didn't know

I didn't know I like him that much. When I brought him up to my girl friends yesterday night, it just suddenly struck me that I really like him. To the extent of me feeling a little upset even after accepting the news for a long time already.

Too stress?

I don't know why I keep thinking about him. Too stress maybe. Wish I could stop.



(Maybe he is married. Isn't thinking about him a waste of time and energy?)

Good or Bad?

I can't believe I actually broke down in front of my supervisor on Friday. It was pretty embarrassing.

I am a big crybaby. Crying and crying all the time.


Heard a news on Friday which was something I didn't expect at all. I don't know whether it is a good or bad news. Hopefully, something good can come out of this.


Like what I told my supervisor, "I just want to be happier."

Pursuing Dreams..

What length do we go to to pursue our dreams?

I actually teared a little after I watched this.