So How's Teaching?

It’s been a looong time since I updated my blog. I can’t say that I had been too busy to go online. It is just that I am emotionally drained by the time I end work. I just want to sit down, watch the tv and stop thinking about myself temporarily at the end of the day. Finally it is the school holidays now. Maybe it is time for me to look back, think, regret and then move on.
I used to think that teaching, especially at the primary level, is easy. Just give me the materials and I can teach. If only it is this simple. Where did the materials come from? How do you go about translating ideas to the students, especially those at lower primary? How to make it more interesting and not digress? Most importantly, how to make sure every single student is listening? There are so many areas to juggle at the same time. I have to be on my toes all the time and this make me tense and thus I don’t think I deliver the lesson as well as I think I should be.
And sadly, I have only one friend in the school. I wonder why I become so shy. I used to be so different in my secondary school. I do not think twice when approaching people. In my present school, I clammed up and turn into an introvert. I believe it may be due to me trying to live up to the expectations of an English teacher. Seriously, I don’t think I can speak perfect English sentences fluently. Throw me a pen and paper and I can write flowing passages. Since that is the case, I usually do not speak my mind. I’m afraid I may make a laughing stock out of myself with my poorly spoken English sprinkled with bad grammar and wrong tenses. Therefore, I’ve already made a resolution and that is to speak in English all the time. Now it is up to me to keep that promise.
So every day is emotionally draining for me. I hope things will change for the better when next year starts. It feels like I am holding onto different pieces of a jigsaw puzzle and am trying very hard to piece everything together. The harder I try, the harder the task seems to be. I just hope that in the new year, everything will just fall in place nicely. Maybe then I will have more time to blog. And I will be a happier person.