Cooling Down..

Guess a lot of my close friends must be wondering how did it go on last friday. Well, that was a major turning point in my story. It seems like whatever that I felt for him is gone. It struck me when I was the least prepared (at Pulau Ubin) but when I expected a lot on friday, nothing happened. No butterflies in my stomach, no chemistry, no flashes (I watched too much drama), nothing. You know, they always say, strike the metal when it's hot. I'm like that piece of metal, thing is I get hot easily and the downside is that I cool off damn easily too. He did not strike when the metal is hot and now, the fire that flamed it has gone.
Maybe it was the way he dressed on friday too. I like my guy to be well-dressed. A simple white tee and bermudas is enough for me. But it is kind of disappointing when I saw what he wore that night. *Sigh* Am I superficial? I guess I am....
I'm quite scared now. I am feeling a lot of pressure. I've not only have to be responsible to him but to his friends too. They all rallied around him and I had already shown that I was a little interested in him. but now, what am I going to say? I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I was in a car on my way to the ROM. I was wearing a white wedding gown and sitting beside me is the groom. (It is not him. I do not know who the heck is the groom and how he entered my dream. Scary.) I kept asking the groom," Are you going to regret this? Do you really like me?" And he kept assuring me that he do. But I can see that he is not happy. In the end, when we reached the ROM, he suddenly turned to me and say he cannot go through this with me. I was RELIEVED. I realised I also cannot go through this with him. Is this dream a premonition?
I do not know whether the feelings will come back. I'm one who's attracted to sense of security. That is why I want to date older guys. They are able to provide me with the sense of security that comes with maturity. Maybe that is why I was swoon away on the night we were at the pub. I felt secured when he steadied me, when he helped me to drink (because someone was sabotaging me), when he saved me from being drunk. Maybe that is why....
Well, I'll see what is going to happen in the future. Maybe I'll be a spinster all my life. I just can't like somebody long enough. The only time I like someone for two long years and he fell for my best friend. But that is another story for another time.