Best Quote Eva!

I was telling this guy friend that I would want to have many "bois bois" for my birthday wish this year when he said this,

"u know.. women are like locks and men are like keys..
if a lock can be opened by many keys, it's a shitty lock!
but if a key can open a lot of locks.. it is a master key!


so one at a time ok?"

HAHAHAHAAHAA!!

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Taking Action!

It's the family's annual trip to our "weight consultants'" place tomorrow. Every year, it's "Oh (insert a frown here), you gain weight huh?" or "You look (insert a half frown here) the same". Come to think of it, I don't think I have ever heard, "You have lost weight!"

And then, out rolls nutritional guides, exercise regimes, achievements in sports, etc. Oh ya, throw in some occasional snide jokes about our weight and you will get the whole picture. I am so not looking forward to it.

Speaking about weight, I have signed a one year package with Contours Express! I really enjoyed working out there. The circuit training suits me better than slogging 45 mins on the exercise bike. Besides, paying a fee a month is a motivational factor.

But as always, exercising is tiring, especially when some of the equipments place me in some very awkward and embarrassing situations.

One of such equipments is called the twisting disc.

Basically, you step on it, go into the half squat position and swing from side to side with your arms swinging in the opposite direction. The moment I step on the disc, I feel 40 years older. I am instantly "auntified". My eyes will naturally avert the rest of the people and the huge mirror at the side and I wish fervently that all eyes are averted from me too. The announcement "change station" never appear too early.


And then, there is the leg press machine.


On my first visit, I wore FBT shorts, which is suitable for jogging but totally inappropriate for working in a gym. To correctly manipulate the leg press machine, one has to position herself in the same position she will be in while in labour. Wearing the loose FBT shorts means exposing your..., you know where I mean, to the other women in the gym. It is a totally "sexy" machine. The instructions given are good material to be used in adult-themed movies. "Open your legs wider", "lift higher", "push", well, you get my drift. Totally awkward.

And finally, the triceps training machine.

Nothing much except that I have seemingly weak arms that shake horribly while working this machine. And it seems that the instructors like to chat with me at this station. So, it turns out that my voice likes to be in sync with arms. Great.

I am going to stick to my new exercise regime though! I am a whiner but not a quitter. The "weight consultants" will be so proud of me. Maybe I will get to hear the elusive "You lost weight!" next year.

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End of The Suckiest Semester!

(Background: Sound of tearing paper)

Goodbye Taylor, Barker, Cummins, Beardsmore, Jewitt, Tatum, Pakir, Deterding, Roberts, Prensky, Luke, Low and many many other authors!

To those who are dead: May your souls rest in peace and stop all "turnings" in your graves from all the horrible interpretations and quotations we made from your work.

To those who are still living: May all curses thrown at you be deflected away and may you grow to a ripe old age.


Looking at all my notes, too many trees have been sacrificed for my quest on seeking knowledge. I thank you trees.




Time to concentrate on burning fossil fuels for computer games, surfing internet and watching videos! Yay! The holidays are here! =D

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My Brain is Fried

I was in the middle of typing out a report when I suddenly recalled a dream I had last night.

A Jerk: You have a lousy command of your English! You write boring essays!

Me: No way! I know how to use synonyms! "Therefore", "thus" and "hence"! (Waves my research paper at him)


LOL! Such a funny dream!! I think I must have used too many "therefores", "thuses" and "hences" these days. Haha!

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What Not to Put In Facebook Profiles

I finally met up with Anita and Deanies after two long years. Nothing has changed much except Anita's voice, which has mysteriously deepened. Our conversation topics, though, have veered off what we normally talk about when we were in our early twenties.


After dinner, we started scrolling through Anita's facebook, looking for potential boyfriends. (The wonders of an iPhone and cheap data charges) Through such an "exercise", once again, I realised the importance of the screening of profile pictures. I have hereby come up with 3 golden rules.


1) Do not put up pictures of you in weird poses or funny faces. This rule doesn't apply when you are one of the fortunate good-looking ones. Just make sure you put plenty of good-looking pictures of yourself so that this will be a one-off incident.

You better make sure that people can spot a difference between your "funny face" and your face, otherwise DELETE THAT PHOTO!


2) Do not put pictures of yourself in your better years when you were youthful, fit and slim, especially when you have changed alot since. This will only make the surfers wonder what had happened to you. I think I know the mindsets of these people. They are trying to tell the surfers that, "Hey! I used to be that good looking!" But that was history and let's face it, we can't turn back time.



3) Do not put only pictures of your baby days, pets, vehicles or cartoon characters. Nobody would want to get together with babies, pets, vehicles or cartoon characters. And by the way, heard of photoshop? There is no such thing as an ugly picture anymore!



Girls, do you agree with me? Haha!

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Not My Cup Of Tea

A little episode to nicely sum up how I feel about marriage now:

Mum: That time 姨丈 (who is a medium) predicted that you will get married by the age of either 25 or 28.

My reply?



Me: Must be shotgun.

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For Hardcore Harry Potter Fans

A sms conversation with my brother



Me: Enjoy waiting for her.. =P (My brother was waiting for his gf)



Bro: Wa. Thanks. I shall enjoy harry's company.



Me: Haha! At first I thought who is harry... Haha!



Bro: Potter is the surname. Haha.



Me: Is he your gay partner? Haha!



Bro: No. He teach my magic.. Avadera kedava.



Me: *dead*



Bro: Yesh. Thanks harry. :)



Me: Harry not like that one lor.. U're lord voldermort!



Bro: I use wrong spell. Should use patronus on you. Lol.





For those who are clueless, patronus is used on this creature:













Stupid Bro.









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Well, I think you can see blogging everyday for the next few days. I am stuck in this school with ABSOLUTELY nothing to do.

I can't wait to leave.

Excuse me, you are Miss... Mrs... Mdm... ??

One of the problems I face at work is the salutations of the females! I don't understand. There is no problem addressing a man. He is always a "Mr", "Mr" Tan, "Mr" Foo, "Mr" Quek, "Mr", "Mr", "Mr"! No confusion. But when it comes to the ladies...

1) Young ladies - Naturally, we call her "Miss" something.

2) Middle Age to Old ladies - Most likely she is a "Mrs" something.

You think the world is so clear cut?!

3) Young but married - "Mrs" something.

4) Young but married but still want to use her own maiden sirname - "Mdm" something

5) Young but married but still want to use her maiden sirname but find "Mdm" too old -"Miss" something

6) Middle-Old but are single - Still "Miss" something

7) All used-to-be married - Once "Mrs" something, now "Miss" something.

8) Elderly but don't want to use "Miss" - "Mdm" something

(Insert your own vulgarities; I'm trying to stay vulgarities-free) ISN'T IT CONFUSING??!!! I can't possibly ask someone whether she is married or single or divorced when she introduces herself right?? Grrr....

Bloody... (Oops, don't think this is a vulgarity right?) Why can't the saluatations be as simple and straightforward as the guys? Why do we need to differentiate between the married ones and the singles? I don't see that happening to the guys.

Whatever... I'm going to call all the ladies, whom I have never met before, "Excuse Me" from today onwards.

Dumb Blonde

Haha! Another dumb blonde joke.

I Love Singapura~

I've decided. Every Wednesday, I shall post up one of my favourite youtube videos to share with you all.




Ok, back to my lesson plan. Enjoy this video!

Stupid Bro and I

My cousin married to a Switzerlander on Wednesday! They had the dinner at Four Seasons Hotel and I wore the dress I bought online to her wedding.

I just realised that I have no pictures of the Bride and Bridegroom. Haha! It's all about my brother and me. We went around the Hotel taking pictures and here are a few of them.

With Ethel and Alvin.

Mum and Dad

Pretending to be the mannequin. I think my Bro looks good that night. Haha!

Lastly, Bro and I.

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We had a silly conversation just now and I feel that that conversation sums up why we have such a strong bond between us.

Me: Why there are scratch marks on your back?

Bro: I scratched myself.

Me: Why there is also a scratch mark on your chest? Who is the woman?

Bro: There are too many. Can't remember.

Me: So she is the kind you pay money for right?

Bro: Yep.

Me: From which country? ( I expected him to say [you know where] and was waiting to reply "tasteless"]

(Pause)

Bro: Venezuela (The country that produced many Miss Universe)

Hahahahaha! He always play along with me and manages to add in some humour. I like! So now you know why I dote on him so much.

Bad Driver

I failed my driving test. Boo hoo.... I was so damn nervous I screwed up everything!

Firstly, I drove off without releasing my handbrake. Shit.

Next, I mount the kerb on the very first station, the S-course. Shit.

I got so discouraged which caused me to mount/strike all the curbs I see. Shit.

I knocked down a pole during parallel parking. Shit.

My car stalled. Shit.

I was a nervous wreck. I think the circuit is my curse. Argh...

(All these things never happened during practice. *Hit myself*)

Sneezing Panda

This video is sooooooo FUNNY!!! You really got to check this out!

Spastism and Cuteness

Spastism

In an act of spastism, we decided to play with the straw hat that was given to me in one of my Social Studies fieldtrips.




My brother and his spastic smile... Which sort of resemble.....











Him! Haha! The character in anime "One Piece".







Me as a Hokkien RnB singer. Haha!


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Cuteness


On to something cute. Another picture of Ethel.





I love this picture. I like the rainbow of colours. Brightened up my day. =D

Room Revamp!

Yeah, I am going to get a new study table plus dressing table!! I've been wanting a new one for soooo long. Finally, my parents called in a carpenter today to custom make my tables! The new tables are going to have a lot of storage space. Maybe my room will not be in such a mess for long.

They are going to call in a contractor too. Our rooms will have a fresh coat of paint! After 10 years!! I can't wait! I am going to do a lot of research on what kind of colours I want for my room. I can't decide between chic, mysterious or warm. Hmm... If you are going to paint your room, what do you like? Come, come, give me suggestions! =)

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My father bought this product for me last week. The amazing thing is that he volunteer to buy this product for me without me asking. It was so out of character for him, showering so much care for me out of sudden. Haha! Well, I said I wouldn't mind trying it out and so he bought me one!

This product, Breathe Right, supposedly helps people with snoring or sinus problems to breathe properly through the nose when sleeping. It is a miracle product to me, a sinus victim. I have tried it once and it really worked! However, it felt very pinched at the nose. Maybe I will get use to it eventually.



Anyway, I wanna talk about this funny incident. After my dad bought this product, he met some of his friends. The aunties in the group asked him what he bought. Cheekily, he showed them the box without explanation. The aunties yelled at him when they saw the box, exclaiming that he is a pervert. Haha! They thought it was a box of condoms due to the misleading picture and box size! It really cracked us up. Haha!

The Little Frog's Day Out

"Help! Save me!"

Ethel spun around to the croaking, wondering who was making that noise. To her surprise, she saw a little green frog in Big Bird's mouth! She got to save it!

Ethel sang sweetly,

"Sunny Day

Sweepin' the clouds away

On my way to where the air is sweet

Can you tell me how to get,

How to get to Sesame Street?"

When Big Bird opened his mouth and tried to reply, the little green frog took a leap! And he escaped from Big Bird. "Thank you very much, little girl!" The little green frog gasped. He had not recovered from his fright.

"You are welcome. Who are you? What are you doing here?" Ethel was curious.

The little green frog slumped onto the ground and began in a sad tone. "I am a toy frog and I lived in a little house very far from here. Everyday, I will have lots of fun playing with two little boys who live with me. However, one day, I was bored. I want to see the world! So, I sneaked out of the little house. Little did I know what horrors were install for me! Now, I just want to go home!" He burst out crying.

After listening to his story, Ethel thought to herself, "I got to help him." So, she said loudly to the little green frog, "Don't worry! I will help you! Where do you stay?"

"Far, far away." He replied, dolefully.

Since he lived so far away, Ethel decided she could not walk that distance. She did the first thing that came to her mind - they would ride there.

She plonked the little green frog onto her trusty steed, Black Beauty, and rode into the forest. "Giddy up, Black Beauty!" And they galloped, and they galloped, and they galloped... Until Black Beauty could run no more.

"What do we do now?" The frog asked sadly.

"Don't worry, I have an idea." Ethel smiled.

She settled the little green frog on a train. "Isn't this a good idea?" She asked. The little green frog smiled happily at her. And they rambled on, and they rambled on, and they rambled on... Until the train could move no more.

"What do we do now?" The little green frog whined.

Ethel frowned and scratched her head. Suddenly, a car beeped at them! She turned and saw Barney!

"Don't worry, I have an idea." Ethel smiled.

Ethel perched the little green frog in Barney's car.

"I love you,

You love me.

We're a happy family." They sang the song gayly. The little green frog could not believe his good luck.

And they journey on, and they journey on, and they journey on.. Until Barney could drive no more.

"What do we do now?" The little green frog grumbled.

"We need some luck." Ethel thought. And luck arrived!

"Don't worry, I have an idea." Ethel was relieved.

She arranged the little green frog in Alvin's car which happened to be in the area they were in. And they travelled, and they travelled, and they travelled... Until Alvin could not drive anymore.

Faced with a dead end, Ethel cried, "What do we do now?"

The little green frog turned and smiled happily at her, "We do not need to do anything anymore! We are here! I am home!"

A hand lifted the little green frog and placed him back in the cupboard which is his home. "Thank you, little girl! I will never forget you!"

Ethel waved and wandered off, wondering what adventure was waiting for her around the corner.

Monthly Sinus Day

Welcome to the monthly Sinus Day Carnival! We promise you loads of running, rubbing and releasing! Explosives, such as sneezes, will be released throughout the day to welcome in the Sinus Day! It will be a mucus-filled day! Woo hoo!

Sinus Day has been passed down from generations to generations. It is a tradition celebrated when there are weather fluctuations, flowering season or dusting day. It usually begins with the onset of sneezes and the celebrations will slowly... begin! There is no traditional costumes for this day but there is a must-have traditional accessory... the wonderful, super absorbent tissue papers! How ever can we forget them?

During the Sinus Day, loads of tissue papers soaked with mucus will be produced. Alas, there is no real purpose for the "mucused" tissue papers. "We are trying our best to find a use of the mucus produced. As oil prices are soaring these days, we hope that our group of scientists will invent machines that will run on mucus in replacement of fuel." Quoted by Ho Shi Yin, president of the Sinus Day committee who is also a counsellor in the Sinus Support Group.

To celebrate the monthly Sinus Day, we have prepared a series of games to spice up the carnival. There will be "See-who-can-shoot-the furthest-distance" competition, "Basket that Tissue Paper" challenge, "Longest Sneezes in a Row", and many other games! The Guinness World Record judges will also be present to count the number of the mucus-soaked tissue papers to enter us into the records. So people, let us do our best!

Enjoy the monthly Sinus Day while it last! I'll see you at the next Sinus Day!

I can DRIVE!

I went for my first driving today and there is only one word to describe it - Shiok, Fun, Interesting, Thrilling, Entertaining! Opps! Did I say one word? Just mashed all the adjectives above and you will get the one word to describe the lesson. Haha!

My instructor was pretty funny. He kept praying aloud when I drive. It was not because I might ram the car or get into an accident, it was because I was too rough with the gear stick and the accelarator. Hee! He kept asking me to be gentle with his car. He was also easily influenced by me. Everytime I saw red lights, I would yell, "Red light liao! What do I do now?!" He became flustered too everytime I did that. And when this car overtook me and cut into my lane, I scolded the driver and I guess my instructor must be wondering, "Wah. This is her first lesson and she dares to scold other drivers." Poor instructor.. =P

I also kept laughing my head off at my poor driving skills. When I fumbled around with the clutch, gear and brake and caused the car to jerk, I found it so funny that I could not stop laughing. My instructor said that I was a very happy girl. I replied, "Of course! I finally get to drive." =)

My Quest has Ended

Yup, I managed to buy the book. Finally. And now I am a believer of curses. Not because of Harry. The day after I bought the book, I checked the library and the "Half-Blood Prince" is sitting there. Great.

Anyway, thank you Jia Yu, Birdie and Xiao Pang! Thank you for offering help during my quest. I hereby knight you Sir Jia Yu, Sir Birdie and Sir Xiao Pang! Haha! (Sounds like a bunch of transvestites) I will call you next time when I want to embark on a quest again!

My Quest for Harry Potter

Seems a bit lag, ain't it? Attempting to read all the Harry Potter's books only now. Lucky for me, my school's library has the complete series.

It has been a long and arduous quest, however. This is what happened to me and sometimes, you just have to believe this thing called "fate".

I have currently finished reading "Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix" so my next read should be "Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince". However, suddenly there is no more copy of that book in my school library! Thus, I embarked on my quest.

1st stop - Jurong East Library

Lots of Harry Potter Books, especially "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows", but no half-blood prince in sight.

2nd stop - Jurong West Library

The "Deathly Hallows" followed me to this library and the "Half-Blood Prince" is still missing.

3rd stop - IMM Popular

I decided to get my own book. And I was damn lucky! There are copies of the "Half-Blood Prince" on sale! On top of that, DISCOUNT! Haha! I quickly grabbed a copy and made my purchase. VICTORY!

I made my way home happily and feeling a tinge of excitement. I want to know what happened to Harry. I tore off the wrapper, settled myself down and began reading. But... Something is wrong... I looked at the cover. "NOOOOOOO!!!!" It is the "Deathly Hallows" in my own home!! I bought the wrong book!! And so.. My quest has not ended..

4th stop - Suntec Popular

Determined to get my hands on that book, I went to the biggest Popular store I know. Guess what? Loads of "Deathly Hallows" and the "Half-Blood Prince" is sold out.

5th stop - Bukit Timah Plaza Popular

It is getting boring. The same ending as above lar!

Am I under a curse? Is this how Lord Voldemort killed his victims?? Harry and your half-blood prince, COME BACK TO ME!